Phoebe and Jae 


It was so much fun to photograph Phoebe and Jae! Honestly, something about the way this shoot went just left me feeling like I had spent the afternoon hanging out with Merin. I can't think of a better feeling:) And as I am waiting to get some film back from the lab from their beautiful wedding in Waterton and Bragg Creek, I thought it would be fun to post a few from their engagement shoot a few months back:)


Contax 645
Fuji Film
Kodak Film


Vancouver BC

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 I'm trying to figure a lot of things out. I've been trying for a while now. And for a bit I think I have it. Then I look a little deeper into my heart and wonder, have I just brushed what I don't want to face into a corner? Into a part of my heart that is just harder to get to? This summer I wanted to keep busy. the kind of busy that doesn't even really let you catch your breath. The summer is behind us now and it was fun, and I have 3 happy summered kids. But now I can breath. I can think. And it lets my heart starts to hurt where I've crambed the hurt into. It's hard to explain, and I'm not really sure I could no matter how long I pushed and pulled through my thoughts. Sometimes there just aren't the right words. But one thing I'm sure of is everyone wants to feel secure. Somehow I have it in my heart that when I lost my sister I lost that sence of security as well. And of all the things I want, I want to talk to my sister again. To feel that love. The feelings that come with a close friendship. I can't seem to filter through the loss, and because of that I have turned it off. Its a weak move. I'm fully aware of it. Not only is it weak its not working, but I'm working on it. I want to open my heart and thoughts again. Please don't judge me in this. I am simply trying to do my best. To be the best mother to my children that I can. To love them all equally. To give each of them that feeling of security and love. If my thoughts upset you I would only ask that you try to be patient with me. Sometimes I may need to talk about Merin, and other times it will simply be about my little family that I focus on. As this is how my life flows now. Somedays I can feel whole and happy, then something like the first day of Ysa's school comes and my heart breaks for my sister and Mike. That they miss it. That I don't. They miss their first baby going to school as I watch that same baby, my baby go into school. Everything in me wishes my sister was here. And these are the moments I feel weak, or broken, or something isn't healing like it should... So I breath in and turn it off. I turn away from the memories of Merin and onto the present. I guess because its been five years since the accident and I want to be past this point. I want to be whole again. I'm working it.

Contax 645
Fuji film


Bee Keeping with Uncle Brad in Eugene


You know there are some people you are just so proud of? The people you just want for everyone to know that you are somehow connected to them? My uncle Brad would be one of those people for me. I just love him! I mean honestly, he is soooo cool. If I were to list his every talent and characteristic you would probably shake your head and say - ya, ok. BUT it's true! Then just when I thought he couldn't be any cooler, a few years ago he started his new hobbie of beekeeping. So my Dad, Daylan and Bradley suited up and played for awhile during our visit to Eugene :)

Contax 645